Solitude.

Saturday morning, I woke up feeling grumpy.  Never mind that it was my sleep in day and I slept until 9:30.  Never mind that Evan and the girls were in a fabulous mood.  I was a big, fat, pregnant crab.  I wanted to wake up in a small apartment that only housed me, where I didn't have to talk or interact in anyway with anyone.

Ever have those days?

 Thankfully, my family did not take it personally.  They gave me some space and went about their (annoyingly) jolly ways. It really wasn't personal, but some days I just long for solitude.  I long to be in my own little bubble where I have no one depending on me, monopolizing my time, expecting anything from me. On those days, I would stay in bed as long as I liked.  I'd wander into the kitchen and make 2 eggs over medium with an english muffin lathered in butter.  I would curl up on the couch, cover myself in blankets and lose myself in a book.  I'd have a hot cup of never ending coffee at my disposal, followed by endless glasses of Evan's sweet tea when I was done drinking coffee.  I'd probably watching mindless tv while crocheting beautiful scarves and afghans. I'd take a nap and start all over again, never having had to talk to anyone in real life or on the phone. I'd take a walk (cause my pregnant body would not be tired or swollen) and then go to bed early.  That is my ideal isolation day.. Saturday was one of those days.

 But, for every one of those isolation days I long for, I am given a day filled with silliness and giggles; questions and bickering; random hugs and a few stolen kisses; exasperation at ears that won't listen and a feeling of overflowing love at a glance of two sisters getting along in a loving manner; small kicks and pushes from the newest of our babies growing in my belly.

As I was reminded quite recently (after complaining about a certain 3 year old who must have tabs on my whereabouts at all times) by someone who used to have a little boy who was most demanding in the attention department, I will miss all this someday.  I will soon have teenagers instead of small children.  And even those teenagers won't be sticking around long before I will have grown up children.  I hear that happens much faster than I can imagine.

So, I shall take these days of overwhelming madness and try to appreciate them (though I know full well, I probably won't the majority of the time). I will try to minimize my need to hermit away because some day I will have plenty of hermit days...and I will probably long for small giggles and little hands that instinctively reach for mine.