Ear trouble.

This was taken in the spring of 2007. Elisabeth was almost 4.5 years old.

Last night, the 8 year old Elisabeth came downstairs and said that her left ear hurt when she laid on it. Elisabeth is not a complainer by any means, so we got a flashlight and looked in it to see if it was red or swollen. We saw a buildup of wax way down in the canal. I told her I'd make an appointment in the morning, that the doctor had a special scoop to get excessive ear wax out of ears and to sleep on the other side. She was happy and went off to bed.

We get to her doctor appointment and the doctor goes to look in her ear and immediately sees the build up but says, "I don't think that's wax." Ok. So, the doctor has Elisabeth lay down and she gets this little tool that looks like a stick with the smallest little loop on the end. She tells Elisabeth that she's just going to try to scoop it out. As soon as the scoop goes into Elisabeth's ear, she starts steadily screaming, "Ow! Owowowowowowow!" louder and louder. The doctor looks up at me and says, "I can't get this out. I'm going to get a nurse who is great at getting things out of ears to come and spray some water and hydrogen peroxide mixture into it and see if she can get it out." I ask if she knows what it is. "It looks like a bean."

Now is where I need to tell you a story. When Ebeth was 4.5 years old, she was in daycare at The Growing Place in Dekalb. One day she came home saying she had stuck a bean in her ear. She was playing during naptime and there were pinto beans from the sensory table near her cot. She stuck one bean in her right ear, but it kept falling out. She stuck a different bean in her left ear and pushed it in and it didn't fall out. We checked her ear and didn't see anything. We talked about not putting things in her ear and said that it wasn't in there anymore and went about our business.

For four years, Elisabeth has brought up this story about the bean that is still in her ear. She'd say how sometimes she could feel it when she itched her ear. She was always insistent that it had never fallen out...

When the nurse came in with the water to get the thing lodged in Ebeth's ear, she asked me to sit next to Elisabeth and put my arm around her so I could hold the cup to catch the water and the object in the ear. She then whispered very softly, "You're going to need to restrain her."

As soon as the nurse started squirting Elisabeth's ear with the stream of water and hydrogen peroxide, my very mellow eldest daughter started screaming like I haven't heard her scream before. She was crying and trying to run from the room. She was screaming, "Stop! Leave me alone! Quit hurting me! I want to go home!" I was holding her with everything I had, whispering to her that it was almost over. I was sobbing. Her crying reminded me of when she was an infant and had to have her heels pricked for jaundice. She was a week old and I felt helpless watching my child cry from pain with my only way of comforting her being hugs and crying whispers. That was how Elisabeth cried today.

While I was holding her, Elisabeth suddenly cried out, "It's not funny!" Confused, I looked at the nurse who told Elisabeth, "Honey, your momma's not laughing, sweetie, she's crying. Momma's cry when their babies cry." Elisabeth looked at me, her mother who almost never cries, for a second before focusing again on her pain.

After 20 minutes of squirting water and using the tool to try to scoop it out, the nurse was able to dislodge...a pinto bean. A pinto bean that had been in Elisabeth's ear canal for four years. A pinto bean that had finally started falling apart in Elisabeth's ear and started causing her some mild discomfort.

I was completely appalled and kept saying, "But, it's been in there for FOUR YEARS!" The nurse said that she's seen weirder things come out of ears. I decided not to ask what those weirder things were.

Elisabeth will have to have ear drops in her ears for 5 days to help kill anything the bean may have left inside. She doesn't feel like she can hear any better, but said her ear is sore from getting the crap beat out of it.

While we sat and waited for her prescription number to be called, Elisabeth calmly said, "I told you I had a bean in my ear."

Yes, she did. She'd told me that for four solid years. I believe I've apologized a million times today.

Definitely a day I will never forget.

Babies.

Babies have been on my mind a lot lately.

I know at least half a dozen women who are pregnant and 4 who have recently had their babies.

There are so many emotions when women are pregnant or just delivered their babies. Lots of fear and joy. In some heartbreaking cases there is also a lot of sadness as well.

But one thing that is true for every first time mother is this--you are never ready to have a baby. You can never read enough books, talk to enough veteran mothers, give yourself enough pep talks to fully be ready for parenthood, but when that baby is put in your arms, you are not ready.

When Evan and I got pregnant with Elisabeth (at the quite young ages of 20 and 18), we were both still in undergrad. We both were still living with our parents. We both worked part time at minimum wage jobs just to have a little money while in college. To say the least, our being pregnant was a gigantic surprise (for everyone!). After our initial shock (which lasted the first 2/3 of the pregnancy) we started getting "ready" for this baby we were having. We bought the essentials (crib, stroller, carseat), we were thrown baby showers by loved ones, we read some books (Dr. Sears! A must read!) and we took the birthing classes. We were "ready".

And then, after a few hours of hard labor and good 45 minutes of pushing, this little girl came into the world:

And I knew that I was the most clueless person ever. There was no way that those nurses and doctors were going to let me take her home--I was an idiot! I didn't know anything! How was I supposed to make her stop crying? How did this breastfeeding thing work? Would a nurse come home with me? What the heck?!?!

I tried talking one of the nurses into letting me stay. She just smiled, patted my arm and left my room laughing. I stared down at this baby who was sleeping so sweetly in my arms with her shock of jet black hair and her perfect little lips and thought, "Well, crap."

I took that baby home to my parents house (who so lovingly said that Evan, Elisabeth and I could live with them until we were graduated and had real jobs) and I cried. I cried a lot. I cried as I tried rocking the not-tired baby to sleep. I cried every time Elisabeth wanted to nurse because I hadn't gotten the breastfeeding thing down and it hurt like hell every time she latched on. I cried when she peed on me. I cried when Evan would ask me if I could pass him the remote. I cried and I didn't even know why I was crying. I was a huge, bumbling mess.

After a few weeks, I stopped crying so much. After a few months, I adjusted to the idea that I was a mommy now. That Elisabeth was my daughter...forever.

And that's when I came to this conclusion--Even if Evan and I had been trying to get pregnant; even if we had been 10 years older with steady careers; even if we had millions of dollars because we had a goose who laid golden eggs; even if we had read every book about babies, watched every video about birth, attended every class in a 20 mile radius about having kids, we would have NEVER been fully ready. Why? Because you can't be until you have birthed that baby and held it in your arms and realized that "well, crap", you are now in charge of this tiny, tiny person forever and ever, amen.

I am blessed in that I have a huge community of mothers that I can lean on. I have fabulous friends and a tribe in Illinois that I turn to when I don't know what I'm doing who have "been there done that" and can help guide me or give me an outsider's perspective of my current parenting dilemma. I can not even begin to describe how important it is to have people who will help you when you are getting to know that new little baby you brought home. I have made it my mission to be a source of help to new moms, especially since we are in the Air Force and so many of these moms are very far from family. Being a new mom can be lonely and overwhelming--to even have one person to call and say, "Um...their poop looks funny and I have cried about it for 45 minutes" is so valuable. I can't image not having anyone to lean on during those first few months.

And the funny thing is that a lot of these moms are so shy about asking for help. They don't want to be a bother. I have taken their timidness, completely ignored it and become that pushy person who knocks on their doors and says, "Hi! I'm here to hold your baby." They never say no. :)

Now, I'm not saying that Evan and I are professionals at parenting by any means. I know I still have moments with Elisabeth where I think, "Geez louise, I hope that parenting decision doesn't cost you months of therapy when you're 25." But, so far, I think we're doing ok. We've learned a lot and evolved as parents. I mean, she's pretty awesome, but that has a lot to do with just who she is as a person.

And, when we decided that maybe it was time to add a child to our family, I still panicked. I still had that moment of "oh my lord, what was I thinking?! How in the world will I parent two of them?!?!". But, then Julia was born and I hear her little montster-ish cry and I thought, "Eh, I did it once, I'm sure I can do it again."
And I would say that she's shaping up pretty nicely as well.
Don't worry, though. We're talking about eventually having one more addition to our family. I have not one doubt in my mind that I will have a panic attack again about parenting three of them. I plan on just cry into the phone and making someone come over and hold my new baby.

Virtual Coffee

Hello, all!!! Isn't it a lovely (but, holy crap, so windy!!) day?

Let's drink some virtual coffee and chit chat about our week!

Well, spring break is here for Ebeth. She has 2 full weeks off and so far has spent them building forts with Julia, frolicking outside and asking to help out in the kitchen. Oh, and laying around reading. I love that kid.

We've been working on how to interact more positively with Julia lately. You see, my children are polar opposites. They have different needs and likes and wants and sometimes this makes it hard for them to interact together. The 5.5 year age difference doesn't always help either. Julia likes to show Elisabeth she wants her attention by trying to tackle her or by grabbing what is in Elisabeth's hand and running away with it or by following Ebeth around making obnoxious noises. Elisabeth's reaction to all of this is freak the eff out and panic or whine or yell "Stop it, Julia" until my ears bleed. Julia likes big hugs and lots of touching. Elisabeth is like me and prefers the hugging and touching be done on her own terms. All of these opposites makes for a lot of sibling bickering.

So, I sat down with Elisabeth yesterday and brainstormed (this would be after I lost my shit and did some screaming and asking of the children to leave my eyesight until I could calm down). We talked about how when Julia is being pesty, a lot of the time she just wants some attention. We discussed how to handle Julia's need to play rough and our tone of voice when Julia starts getting annoying. It's a topic we talk about a lot, but hopefully this time it'll help with the yelling. (Please let it help with the yelling...)

Sigh...parenting.

So, this giant tumbleweed came by to visit us this weekend.
Evan was so happy to see it.
Spring is very windy around here and besides lovely visits from massive tumbleweeds, it kind of makes it hard to play outside. Julia really wanted to blow bubbles yesterday, but since it was hard for her to stand up straight without the wind trying to knock her down, we may have to wait a few days for that outside toy.

Well, we have lots of plans for today. A trip to the Y and the post office and some playing that needs our attention. Thanks for stopping by and we'll see you soon!!!

Evan's parents will be here Saturday and the girls are counting down the days. They have both decided that a zoo visit is a must and who am I to argue? :)

Scavenger Hunt Sunday

It is Scavenger Hunt Sunday!

Let's see what I found this week:

1. CAMERA PHONE

2. CAMERA
3. SHOES

4. CHAIR

5. IMPERFECTION

Go check out other people's finds at Ashley's Ramblings and Photos and I'll see you next week!

Born to Run.

My lovely friend, Paige, loaned me this book--Born to Run by Christopher McDougall--when I told her about some of my health goals for this year. Paige is a runner (she's run a marathon!) and she knows full well that I am not, but she told me that this book is very inspiring and after reading it, I just might want to give running a chance.

I started this book last night before bed. I am almost done with it as I type this.

I also jog/walked today.

Paige was absolutely right. I don't know if you have ever read this book, but if you have not please please please find it and read it immediately. Even if you have no plans whatsoever of running, this book is an amazing read. McDougall tells about his search for a tribe in Mexico's Copper Canyon that has been elusive to outsiders for generations now, but are very well known for being the best endurance runners ever. McDougall tells his story and that of many well known runners (well, I assume they are well known because I actually know nothing about running, so this is all new to me) and how they came to be the super athletes that they are today.

I am completely captivated by this book and am going to peer pressure others to read it as well just for the story of the Tarahumara Indians of Copper Canyon, Mexico alone. It is fascinating!

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go finish my book and then plan on running a little more tomorrow.

Emotions.

Today, there was snow on the ground when I woke up. Not something I was expecting to see.

But, as my friend Kim pointed out to me, despite the snow, it smelled like spring.

It did. I huffed the smell as deeply as I could. I lovelovelove the smell of spring.

Then, I decided maybe I shouldn't complain about the snow because after this spring, I'm not sure when I will see snow again because in a little more than 4 months we'll be moving to Texas. And Texas, I hear, doesn't usually get snow. Especially in San Antonio.
Then I got to thinking about how they won't have mountains in Texas either. Ugh. I will miss mountains. Who knew I needed them so much? Or that I'd fall in love with them so completely.
And besides the mountains, we have a lovely life here with wonderful people and a routine we love. Plus, I know my way around town! I like the library district and the Y. I have a fantastic book club. I have friends that I love and know me so well that sometimes we don't even need words to communicate. They can just raise an eyebrow and I know they're thinking that I may be a bigger nerd than they originally thought, but they still love me. They'll just mock me for a while before reminding me that they still love me despite my dorkiness. Oh, and there are also the mountains. Have I mentioned them yet?
So many thoughts run through my mind when I think about moving to Texas. And I know I'm going to cry like a baby when we move. I've already warned Evan. Elisabeth was relieved when I said that because she said she knows she's going to cry too. And that's ok. It's ok to prepare ourselves for how sad we will be when we move because this place will have been home for over two years when we move. We're happy here.
But, there is a lot waiting for us in Texas. My sister Terra is waiting patiently for us to move. She is so excited to see her nieces on a regular basis in a way she hasn't been able to in 6 years. There are new libraries for us to visit, new parks and trails for us to explore. New schools, restaurants, stores, museums, and YMCAs to visit.

We're excited and impatient and nervous and scared and just a whole jumble of emotions about this upcoming move.

All emotions that are a part of an adventure, which is what this all still is to us.

Virtual Coffee

Good morning!!

I'm still nursing my second cup of coffee, even though I made the coffee 3 hours ago. But, I've been doing laundry and paying bills and just catching up on my house/life/family that I haven't just sat down and enjoyed anything longer than a sip of coffee at a time. Good thing you came over to slow me down.

If we were really having coffee today, I'd tell you I'm skipping yoga today. I know, I feel kind of bad about it, but I have a lot to do this morning and something had to be skipped. We're still going to go so I can get some treadmill time in, but I will miss my yoga.
I've decided to give Elisabeth more kitchen chores when it's time to cook. She and Julia usually set the table, but I think it's time that Elisabeth learn more about how the cooking part works. I've decided to put her in charge of the side dishes at supper time. We eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, so it'll be mainly opening cans and warming things on the stove, but everyone has to start somewhere. Plus, she's really interested in cooking, so this'll give her a chance to feel like she's helped create a feast (as she likes to call meals where every dish is something she loves). I told her about my plan last night and she was very excited.

I'm sure if you were here drinking coffee with me, you'd hear Julia ask me if it's a swim lesson day. The girl who used to cry at the thought of having to go to swim lessons is now begging us daily to attend. It took her a month or so, but she's finally used to the idea of having her teacher point her out in class and talking to her and of having lots of people in the water with her. Her teacher has told Evan that Julia's great in the water, which we already knew. She's been in a pool since she was a month old. She loves going under water and blowing bubbles and whatnot. She just hated the formality of a class. Now? She's a natural student.


Tonight is book club and I'm excited. I recommended this book (Alice I Have Been by Melanie Benjamin) and can't wait to see what people have to say about it. I loved it but I know not everyone will, which is why I love book club. I like seeing how so many people read the same exact words and yet have completely different takes on the book. It's fun and sometimes frustrating, but that can make it even more fun at times.

Ok. I have errands to run and miles to walk today. Plus, I think there might be a baby who needs some holding today. I'm always willing to hold a baby!!!

Thanks for stopping by. If you need another cup and some more chit chat, go and visit the lovely Amy at Lucky Number 13.

Pictureless.

So, I am waiting for more storage space to appear for me to be able to post more pictures on this blog. I have unsuccessfully tried to buy more storage twice. This is my third attempt. I am kind of perturbed. If you can help guide me at all, I'd appreciate it greatly.

I have been super twitchy without my blogging. I have pictures to share with you all!!! But, for now, you will just have to make due with my ramblings.

Working out thoughts:

-I get most concerned when the person on the treadmill beside me decides to run at a speed too quick for their running abilities. You know--that one person who's going waaaaay too fast and holding on the to sides of the treadmill as they try to stay upright while running? Yeah, I had one of those guys next to me today. I was nervous the entire time he was next to me.

-It makes me uncomfortable because I have to sit there and give myself a pep talk about how I will handle the situation when he falls face first into his treadmill. I need to brace myself for this occurrence (because it will happen!) and not freak out and fall off of my own treadmill or scream or try to instinctively catch this idiot who can not regulate a proper running speed. It's stress I don't need while losing the poundage.

-Why do some people insist on talking to the person they're running next to? First off, no one knows what you're huffing and puffing (which you deem to be words). Secondly, why do you think the person next to you is an any shape to hold a conversation? Can't you see how red his/her face is? They're just trying not to die, please don't rattle on about your dog's pooping habits. Also, if you have to yell to be heard, then a conversation at the Y while running on a treadmill is probably not the best place to be discussing whatever it is you need to discuss so badly.

-Someone tell me why boys where t-shirts that are torn from their shoulder to their waist? It obviously used to be a t-shirt. I understand you cut the sleeves off (sleeves can be cumbersome) but why did you tear off the piece of clothing that covers your torso? Why wear a shirt at all? And don't they sell tank top equivalents in the mens' department of sports stores? I don't understand! I try, but...I just don't understand.

Parenting thoughts:

-Why do I have to repeat myself so much? Do I speak a language unknown to my own children?

-Does every parent dream of the day that their kids will be fully independent and no longer leeches on their hips but then sob like a baby when they actually pronounce the word "banana" correctly or grow out of their clothes and into an almost junior size of clothing?

-If I create a kid pick-up similar to garbage pick-up, where you put your kid on the curb and a large truck comes and collects them and brings them back in a week better than when the child left, how many millions of dollars will I make?

Everyday thoughts:

-I don't like gum. Ew.

-I need to vacuum my car. And wash it. And reorganize the inside of it. And clean Julia's car seat. Maybe tomorrow. Probably not.

-I hate missing socks. I'm going to go and throw away every lonely sock as soon as I'm done blogging. They are taking over my life and I feel way too much pressure to find their other half. I'm not a flipping matchmaker! Give it up, lone socks!

I will try to post pictures soon. Hopefully.

10 on 10: March

Ten on Ten!

I'm sooooo late, but I had picture storage issues with blogger and now they're fixed so I can now show you my day! From last Thursday! Whoohoo!!!

Virtual Coffee

Good morning! It's Virtual Coffee time.

So, tell me what you've been up to lately, because I am super boring today. No big news, no big plans. Just a whole bunch of the same-o, same-o.

Anything new? Exciting? Going anywhere? Reading anything good?

Next week is Elisabeth's last week of school before her 2 week spring break. I'm trying to think of things to do for that first week of break (library? playdates? museum?). The second week Evan's parents are coming to visit for a week, so we'll be pretty busy. The girls are most excited to see their Nina and Papa.

Julia and I are both still suffering stuffy noses and slight coughs from that stupid cold we had a couple weeks ago. It just won't go away. Poor Julia's been napping way more than she normally does. :(

I've been going to the Y pretty religiously for a month now. Walking 2-3 miles on the treadmill and trying out new classes. If you've been reading my posts the last couple of weeks, you'll have noticed that I've taken to yoga with a passion. One of my goals for 2011 was to make exercising and being active a habit, and I kind of think I'm getting there. I definitely feel like something's missing if I'm not making a trip to the Y or getting a long walk outside in. I've deemed Sundays my day of rest (and pajama day as well) and if the weather had been nicer, I totally would have gone for a walk. See? It's totally becoming a habit. I did the math and I've walked a total of 42 miles this year as of yesterday. Not too shabby. I have a goal for 2011 of walking 450 miles by the end of the year. I'd say I'm doing pretty good.

I don't remember where I read or heard it (and I know I've said it on here before), but someone said something about their 80 year old self will thank their 30 year old self for taking the time to exercise and be healthy. I would like my 80 year old self to be physically able to keep up with my grand kids and great grand kids and not be that old, large woman in the chair that can't get up trying to swipe small children who run past into her lap for hugs and smooches because she can't get up and physically chase them. You know?

Well, I guess I'll go ahead and head on out. We're headed to the Y (it's yoga day!!!) and then a trip to the bookstore is in order. Julia is most excited about the bookstore. She likes to sit on the ancient couch in the kid area and "read".

Thanks for stopping by. Maybe next week I'll be more exciting.

Hot Yoga

So, I know I've talked to you about yoga and how much I'm loving it.

Well, that's still true. In fact, I've committed to my relationship with yoga and bought a mat of my own. It's orange like the one pictured above. I heart it.

On Saturday, my friend Paige invited me to go to a hot yoga class with her and our friend Melinda at CorePower Yoga (a yoga specific studio). As a first timer to the studio, my class would be free. I was kind of nervous about making it through the entire hot yoga class, but decided to give it a shot. My friend Melissa did a bikram yoga (which is very similar to hot yoga but with a different name) and she has ranted and raved about how much she loved it. When I said I was going to hot yoga, she was most excited for me.

Hot yoga is basically yoga done in a sauna. The temperature in the room hovers around 100 degrees. It's hot. And sweaty. A gross sweaty.

Here's the thing--it was hard. This class had some yoga poses I hadn't done before. The instructor was a bit...intense. There was a man who was wearing the smallest pair of bike shorts possible and it was not pretty (especially with some of those yoga poses...*shudder*). But, I liked it. I did way better than I thought I would. I was so sore the next day, but it was that good sore of actually accomplishing something in a workout.

Part of becoming a new member is that you not only get one day free, you have a whole week to try out as many yoga classes as you wish! So, this Wednesday, I'm going to another hot yoga class. Yep, I liked it so much, I'm going back. And, I think I might even actually pay for a class once or twice a month. (Corepower is kind of like a pre-pay cell phone. You can pay or a whole month of classes or you can pay for classes one at a time. Some of them are kind of pricey, but for once or twice a month, it's doable.)

Oh, and I totally forgot to tell you...

I took my socks off.

Scavenger Hunt Sunday

It's that time again! Here are my finds for this week.

1. DIPTYCH

(First off, I had to look up what that word even meant. Then, I had to figure out how to represent the word. So, I used a picture from my archives of the girls both at one month old that I'd used to show how much they looked alike.)

2. BOOK
3. WHEN I THINK ABOUT HOW the cat IS ON THE blanket I just made, I JUST HAVE TO give up, wash it and hurry up and wrap it to be sent to the baby I made it for before my cats find it to sleep on again.

4. A TASTE OF ITALY

5. REMINDERS
Check out Ashley over at Ramblings and Photos for more Scavenger Hunt Sunday fun!

Welcome Home!

Julia asks where Evan is as soon as she wakes up in the morning. She talks about him coming home for supper all day long. She pretends to talk to him on the phone and tells the pretend Daddy on the end of the line that she loves him, misses him, and what we're having for dinner. She waits for me to tell her he's driving home so she can wait for him.

When Evan works later than normal, both girls start asking for him. If Evan won't be home till they are in bed, both girls are very sad. They like Evan. They find him amusing.

I read recently in a magazine (which one? I have no idea because I read it at the gym and then threw it away) that how a parent is greeted after being gone all day can make or break their mood for the rest of the day or even their mood on coming home in general.
It said how spouses who aren't even acknowledged when they walk in the door or are bombarded with negative remarks or tasks end up in a bad/angry/depressed mood. Spouses who are greeted with smiles and enthusiasm and excitement to see them tend to be happier to be coming home and in a better mood.
I realize that the above statements seem to be common sense. I also know that I either read this article in Redbook or Real Simple or Good Housekeeping (not necessarily medical journals), but that part of the article stuck with me.
We've always cheered the fact that Evan's coming home from work. It's something my mom used to do with us when my sister and I were little. She'd make a big deal about my dad coming home. We'd wait by the window and watch him pull up and greet him with ear-drum-burstings of "DADDY'S HOOOOOOOME!" that would make the dog bark with nervousness. My dad also would have us greet our mom the same way after she'd come home from running errands. It was fun (and loud). It's hard not to smile when you can hear your children's excitement at your arrival through the windows as you walk to the front door.
Granted, sometimes, when Julia was younger and my day had been terrible, Evan was greeted with tears more than smiles. I was so excited he was home (therefore giving me reinforcements against Julia the Terrible) that I just wept with joy and relief. I'm not too sure if that's a positive way to come home...probably not. I don't know because I was too busy blubbering to actually see Evan's reaction to this particular welcome. I shall try to smile through my tears in the future...
I know I like hearing happy voices greeting me after I've been gone.

Plus, how cute is it to see little faces looking for your car?