I am watching Julia as she disgustingly is eating her lunch (the child does not understand that concept of SMALL bites) and I couldn't help but thinking about how overwhelming it is to be a parent. Not so much because she herself is overwhelming (although, I feel I have documented enough for you all to know that, with out a doubt, she totally is), but just being a parent in general is overwhelming. I mean, Evan and I are responsible for these two girls--for feeding them, clothing them, loving them, teaching them innumerable things they'll need to be productive adults--and sometimes it's just too much to think about. That's a lot, especially when I sometimes feel like I can't even keep myself together half the time, and yet I'm supposed to be mothering two girls.
I think that's what leads to mom's who end up letting themselves go when they have kids (you know, the moms who haven't had their hair done in decades and wear mommy butt jeans while their kids are dressed in the latest fashions). It's so easy to get lost in the world of parenting that you forget to take care of yourself. Between meals, baths, naps, school, extra curricular activities, questions, reading, tantrums, playing, cooking, laundry, cleaning and bedtime--it's so easy to forget who you are. It's easy to forget to shower, to make that hair appointment, to eat healthy, to exercise, to replace those pants that are 8 years old and have rips, stains and unfortunate pocket placements, to go out for an evening with only grown ups.
I love my girls to the moon and back. I love it when they laugh, when they've discovered they can do something new, when they smile when they see their Dad walk through the door, when they want hugs and kisses. But there is no doubt in my mind that I am a better parent when I get some time where I'm not the mom. When I can go out for a while and be Virginia--the girl who loves to read and crochet, who can laugh too loud at inopportune times, who likes to go out to new restaurants and get lost in a bookstore, who has surprisingly learned to love exercising--then I can come back and be Mom without as much built up frustration or with that feeling of drowning as a parent.
I am a big advocate that your children should see you being a person. When they see you go out with friends or have friends over, they're learning how grown up friendships work and that friends are something that you have all your life. When we leave them with a babysitter to go out for the night or see us cuddling on the couch or listen to us talk about things like news, books or something random we've deemed worthy of a conversation, our girls are realizing that the relationship Evan and I have is important to us and will see a positive partnership and be able to use us as an example of what a healthy relationship is. Both Evan and I strive to meet our girls emotional and physical needs but not at the sake of ignoring our own.
So, tonight when I leave for my book club (discussing Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn, which is dark and disturbing, but an excellent read), I'm not going to feel guilty that I won't be there for the girls' bedtime. Will I miss kissing them goodnight? Absolutely. Will I be glad that Friday night I'll be there for bedtime, yes...because I'll have a couple of hours where I got to have grown up conversation under my belt that will replenish me as a person. Making me a better Mommy. Willing to read that stinking Baby Faces book for the zillionth time to Julia and prepared to answer all of Elisabeth's endless questions.
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