Mommy dreams.

Some days, when I am questioning how well I am doing my job as a parent, I like to reflect on what I thought being a mommy would be like before I actually became one.

I saw myself as infinitely patient. I would use a calm, quiet voice when dealing with things. I would let them play in mud, dirt, sand and not complain. I would play all day long with them. I would be the mom that was constantly creating things for them and have art stations everywhere. I would be this super mom that would never tire, would always be ready to go, would be the mom that other kids would think, "Wow, they are so lucky to have Virginia as their mom."

Wasn't I just so cute when I was, oh...15?

Because, you see, I am not a patient person. I never really have been. I don't know why I thought that would magically change once I had offspring.

I am also not a quiet person...at all. I am loud and boisterous and have to be shushed occasionally. So, sometimes, I don't answer in a soft, calm voice. Sometimes I answer in a loud, teetering on the edge of losing it voice.

I do let the kids play in dirt...but I don't love it. And I do sometimes tell them to get out of the dirt if they are in nice clothes or shoes. And if you know me at all, you know how I feel about sand.

If my house had art stations everywhere, Evan's head would self com-bust. Not that I don't enjoy a good art project, but they are quarantined to specific areas and need to be cleaned up when done. How can we eat dinner if there is playdough all over it?

No mom is super mom. It's just not possible. And that is something that has to be learned through experience. Yes, I might cook with my kids a lot and other moms might think they need to do that, but I don't play Barbies with the girls because it makes me want to pull my hairs out one by one. They know this, so they don't ask. But, if they want to help with dinner, come on in the kitchen!

I didn't change once I had kids. I'm still me. And, that's okay. I don't need to change how I feel about sand or messes or playing with Barbies, because then I'm not being real. And one of the best things any parent can teach their child is that you have to be yourself. Yes, I do try to be a better mommy almost daily because I am aware that I have lots of personality traits and habits that could use some polishing, but that goes for me being a wife and a friend and a sister and a daughter and even a customer in the Target check out line. And, yes, I do apologize if I'm being extra grumpy or rude to the children or Evan or that poor lady I cut in front of in traffic. I'm not perfect, and trying to be so is only going to make me unhappy. But, I can try more to be a better person for my own sake and that will trinkle down to the people I love.

So, I'm sorry Elisabeth and Julia, but this is what the cards dealt you. And when you complain about me to your high school friends and future spouses, I'm truly hoping that you'll say, "Yeah, she's a complete psycho and she drives us crazy, but lord knows she loves us."

Cause I totally do.