The Playground.

In less than a month, Elisabeth will be 9.  (Please be aware that you will get the year blog post with pictures of her much younger and me weeping about how my first baby could possibly be so big.)

I think one of the hardest things about parenting a soon to be 9 year old is explaining to her why some people choose to be unkind and that some of these people are her peers.

Ever since Elisabeth was a toddler, I have been drilling it into her that we don't pick on others.  When she was 4 and in day care, there was a boy (who had been in the 3 year old class I taught) who was still having problems potty training.  One of the girls in the class told all the other kids not to sit by him in center time because he was gross.  Elisabeth came home and told me what the girl had said and that's when I started talking to her about kindness and respect.  The little boy was probably one of the sweetest people you'd ever meet.  He was a ray of sunshine.  I asked Elisabeth how she thought the little boy felt when no one would sit by him. I told her what has become my number one parenting mantra: "You don't have to be friends with everyone, but you do have to be kind."

If you know my Elisabeth, you know she has a big heart.  She's never met a stranger.  And, until Julia started walking and talking and showing us her own personality, we'd never really seen Elisabeth be frustrated or unkind. (Siblings tend to bring out unknown characteristics in each other.) (And siblings of good friends...like Peter...right, Rach? :)

For the last couple of weeks, Elisabeth has been coming home from school with playground issues. It turns out that another girl from a different class has been unkind to Elisabeth for playing with a mutual friend.  She's been whispering (loud enough for Elisabeth to hear) rude comments about Elisabeth when she walks by.  She's been telling Elisabeth that no one wants to play with her. And, as of the last couple of days, she's been seeking Elisabeth out to sabotage what Ebeth is playing or to try to hurt her.

Of course, Evan and I are concerned.  I've been giving her some tools to use (telling the girl how you feel; ignoring and walking away; standing near a grown up so the girl won't bother her), but when it starts to get beyond normal girl squabbles and pettiness and into bullying, then we need to take it to the next step.  Elisabeth is going to ask her teacher to talk about her playground problems and I emailed the teacher last night.  Thankfully, her teacher is marvelous and I know this will be nipped in the bud.

But, what about next year?  What about in junior high when it seems that it gets even worse?  What about in high school? How do you tell your child that some people just suck and there's nothing you can do about it?

I am thankful that Elisabeth is comfortable talking to me and Evan about her problems.  She said one of the girls asked why Elisabeth was tattling to me (Elisabeth told them that I said not to hang out with them if they couldn't be kind).  Elisabeth said, "I'm not tattling. I'm telling her my problems and she's helping me."

This is when I wish I could just keep her home in a bubble. But, even if I kept her home in a bubble until college, she'd encounter these same bullies in the grown up world. At jobs and in parenting groups and at social functions, those bullies are still alive and lurking.  They are still just as mean and it hurts just as much.

"Mom, if they don't like me, why can't they just ignore me?"

I don't know sweetie.  But, please know that so many more people love you oodles and oodles and bunches and bunches.  You are a good person and it is their loss.