Unexplained Emotions

One of my favorite things to see is when Julia and Elisabeth unknowingly show affection to each other. Like, when Elisabeth is watching her tv shows and Julia will crawl into her lap. Elisabeth will automatically put her arms around her and cuddle Julia without even realizing she's doing it.

Or when Julia lights up when Elisabeth comes home from school.

Or when they hold hands while walking around the house.

Now, that's not to say that Julia doesn't take things she knows all too well are Elisabeth's and refuses to give them back or that Elisabeth doesn't freak out if Julia is in the same room as her because she wants some "alone time". But, for the most part, they truly love each other.

Is it anything that Evan and I are doing extremely well as parents? Um...I'd love to say YES! OF COURSE! (it's really make me feel superior as a parent), but I don't think so. For Julia, she just loves any attention from Elisabeth and if she feels she's not getting enough, she takes drastic action. With Elisabeth, she's wanted a little sister for so long that she just loves having Julia in our family.

When I was quite a bit pregnant with Julia, I was lying down and reading one of those parenting magazines with my very swollen ankles propped up while Evan was getting Elisabeth ready for bed. I could hear her chattering in that Elisabeth way of hers while Evan redirected her attention back to getting her pajamas on. Every now and then Evan would peek his head around the hallway corner of our DeKalb apartment and give me his "Oh-my-god-Ebeth-is-driving-me-crazy" looks before calmly going back to redirect yet again. I chuckled to myself because Elisabeth is quite intense when she wants to be and is the SLOWEST child alive when getting ready for anything.

I was contemplating getting up to sneak a Diet Coke, when I found this song under the "Mom Exchange" part of the magazine:

Last night while
everyone was asleep

I looked out my window, up
through the trees

The sky was so big and
covered in stars

I knew a baby brother or
sister would soon be ours

Hey Ho, our family of three

Is growing beyond my
mommy, daddy, and me

Hey HO, just how will it be

When we add another branch
to our family tree?
-From "Family Tree" on CD of the same name

I can't explain why, but I started crying. Not just sniffling, but full fledge bawling. It hit me that we were rocking Elisabeth's entire world by having a new baby. That all she knew, which was her, me and Evan, was all going to change in a matter of weeks. Nevermind the fact that she's been begging for a little sister since she was three or that she picked the name of the baby herself or that she was the most excited soon to be big sister the world has ever seen. I was mortified at the thought that we were ruining her life.

Around this time, Evan walked in. Please know that, when not pregnant, I am not much of a crier. At all. So Evan, seeing me crying like a blubbering baby, immediately thought someone had died. He ran over to (try) to sit (aka: perch) next to me on the couch and started asking me what was wrong. Was I hurt? Did I get an upsetting phone call? Was I sick?

I couldn't even talk, I was crying so hard. I showed him the lyrics to the song. He read them. Looked at me. Read them again. Looked at me like I might have lost my mind and quietly said, "What?".

"That song. That's what's wrong," I sobbed.

Evan looked at me and gave me a nice hug. Then, in a voice reserved only for the very stupid, he tried to explain to me how this song was actually a happy song. Not a sad song. I nodded and shooed him away to finish getting Elisabeth ready for bed.

When I finally got my extreme pregnancy hormones calmed down, I tried to explain to Evan what had upset me. It wasn't just Elisabeth's life that was changing, it was our whole family unit. What was I thinking starting over again when I had a 5 year old that was perfectly capable of sleeping through the night, potty trained, could feed herself, etc., etc. When would Evan and I ever get to go out again alone? What if I couldn't do it as well the second time around? How could I love two children equally?

Most of it was irrational. I knew that. A lot of it was my excelled emotional state. I knew that, too. But a good portion of it was just fear of the unknown.

I don't think I need to tell you that Julia moved into our hearts the minute we all laid eyes upon her. I don't think I need to tell you how much Elisabeth helped me when Julia was just an infant. I'm sure you've noticed that, not only is Julia a completely different baby than Elisabeth was, but I didn't forget any tricks of the trade. Yes, I struggled in some areas that were never a problem when parenting Elisabeth, but I've also exceeded in other areas that I felt were impossible the first time around.

I still have that page from the magazine. It's in my kitchen drawer. It went with me from DeKalb to Pekin (where I kept it in our bedroom) to Colorado. When I randomly stumble upon it, I take it out and read it. Sometimes, I still get a little choked up. The song still makes me emotional, but in a different way. Now when I read it, I understand the positive vibe that Evan tried explaining to almost 2 years ago. Now I see what a blessing making our family tree bigger was for all of us.

And some day, if (when) we have that third baby, I'm sure I will go through all those unexplained emotions again. I just hope that the next time I remember how wonderful the outcome was.

The Butterfly Pavillion

This weekend, I took the girls to The Butterfly Pavilion outside of Denver. I had never heard of it before, but my friend Rachel had been there with her kids and said they'd loved it. So, Rachel and her crew, our friend Kim and her offspring and me and my rugrats all ventured to see the butterflies.

It took us about an hour and a half to get there, but we divided the kids up and the big kids rode with Rachel in her van and Kim and I took Julia and the little girl that Rachel babysits in my car. We stopped at Wendy's for lunch and then headed over to The Butterfly Pavilion.

Can I please tell you how much I stinking loved that place? It was amazing. I took about a million pictures (actually...over 200!) and I shall show only a fraction of the pictures to you.



We started in the Crawl-A-See-Em. This room was full of spiders, scorpions and beetles of all kinds. There was a tarantula there that the kids got to hold.

Elisabeth didn't even bat an eye. She's been there, done that.


After the bug room, we headed over to the Water's Edge. Here the kids got to see some awesome sea creatures and even got to touch starfish and horseshoe crabs.
Julia enjoyed the fish tanks.

While in the middle of exploring the sea creatures, we heard the announcement that they were getting ready to do the butterfly release. So, we told the starfish that we'd be back and headed over to the Wings of the Tropics.
While we waited, we met a lovely tortoise name Sunshine that roams the butterfly room.

We saw this giant moth called a Luna Moth. It has no mouth. It gets super fat when it's a caterpillar and then lives off of it's fat once it has morphed into a moth. Needless to say, it only lives a few days.

The kids all sat for the butterfly presentation. Basically, the "zoo keeper" (as they called themselves) presented a cage of brand new, fresh from the cocoon butterflies, describes them, and then lets them fly while we all watch. It was stinking awesome!
One of them landed on Rachel's son, Henry.

Then we walked around looking for butterflies. The kids loved this part. I won't lie, I did too. It was like playing hide-and-seek with the butterflies. Except, instead of tagging them as "it", I took their pictures.

My favorite butterfly of the day.



Here's where they keep the cocoons. I actually watched one of the butterflies hatch.


Mabel (another one of Rachel's brood) made a tissue flower to try to entice the butterflies to land on.


Julia was such a trooper. She went without a nap and didn't even whine that much. She loved getting to follow the big kids around.

Here's the random bird that lives with the butterflies. Apparently, it doesn't eat them.





Julia being sleepy...

Henry, the future photographer.

One of the things I love about Rachel and Kim's kids is that they are so good with Julia. Each one of them at some point during the day were leading Julia by the hand. It makes my heart happy.


After about an hour of chasing butterflies, we went back to the business of sea creatures.


I heart starfish.

Julia enjoyed the grumpy looking crabs.

When we headed back to the butterflies, one landed on Elisabeth. She was so excited!



Peter, Mabel, Kayleigh and Elisabeth listening to the zoo keeper talk about another new batch of butterflies.

And Mabel finally got a butterfly to hang out on her flower.


So, there was this fantastic gift shop (of course) and I told Elisabeth she could find something in there for $5.00 or under. Well, at first, she looked for a stuffed animal (which I knew she would). Then, Henry and Mabel started asking for a certain something that was only $5.00. When Elisabeth heard what they wanted, she asked if she could have one too. Since I'm such a softie, I said yes and we ended up bringing home...

Spidey. It's a baby tarantula. Yep.

Okay, before you ask me "Why?!?!?!" as everyone else has done, please know, I am a sucker for a weird pet. I mean, we had tadpoles for a while, if you so remember. Also, I figured it would be a relatively easy pet. And, I'm not too far off. This particular tarantula is a Mexican Blonde. It needs dirt so it can burrow, a little bit of water, fed twice a week (since it's a baby, once a week when it's grown). It eats crickets, which aren't expensive. So, I mean, it's a pretty basic pet.

Except it lives 10 years if it's a male. 25 years if it's a girl.
And we don't really know if Spidey's a "he" or a "she". :)

Child Labor, Child Shmabor.

Hey! I'm not running a free room and board here. If you live here, you have got to earn your keep!







And that is just what Elisabeth's doing. But, Julia? Yeah, she's got to go.

The girls.

I have been rather grumpy with this whole "Mommy" thing the past couple of weeks. As the girls push every button they discover that completely sets me off, I have found myself reverting to old tactics I used when Elisabeth was a toddler and driving me bonkers.

Mainly booze.

I joke.

A little.


I am focusing on their positives. And the things they are learning and loving to do! And, I'm trying to not thinking about the things they do daily that makes me pull out my hair and text Evan to leave work immediately. Cause I do...a lot.

Julia. Ah, Julia.

Besides destroying my house, begging for food constantly, pretending to cry when she wants attention and refusing to play on her own, Julia's been really fun.
-She exploded with words around 18 months. She now consistantly says: Mom, Daddy, kitty kitty, ball, bowl, apple, juice, coat, hat, kids, book, cat, dog, meow (this long noise like a cat that's been run over), toast, no, yes, yeah, bye, hi, baby, bear, car, bus (dus), gabba, elmo (melmo), shoe, sock, nose, eye, cheek, mouth, hair. I'm sure there's more, but these are the ones I hear all day long. She also is starting to mimic, so we'll have to quit swearing so much. (I joke. Kind of.)
-Julia loves books. She goes straight to the giant bookshelf at the Y when I drop her off and reads for quite a while. She likes to try to read the words on our shirts and follows the lines in books with her little baby finger.
-Julia can go up and down the stairs by herself. When it's just me and her at home, I tend to still leave the gate up so I can clean and go about my business without having to worry about what she's doing upstairs. But, once Elisabeth's home, I leave the gate off and she is sooooo happy to get to play upstairs like a big girl.
-Julia's favorite toys right now are: baby dolls, matchbox cars, her pumpkin buckets that she totes golf balls in, travel size bathroom products, her night time toys she sleeps with, and her toy kitchen.
-Julia is a good little draw-er. I know, I know, I'm her mom. I'm a bit biased. But, seriously, she hold the pen perfectly and makes these intricate little squiggles and circles. And, she loves it! If she's being a complete monster, I just grab some blank paper and a pen, and I've got a good 20 minutes of silence from her.
-She is so stinking cuddly. She is starting to tell us she loves us. She gives hugs and kisses and will cuddle with us on the couch for a book or to watch tv with us.
-Julia is in love with Evan. He is definitely her favorite person. She asks for him constantly all day long (ALL day long) and whenever the phone rings she gets so excited because she thinks it's Evan calling so we'll open the garage door for him. He's the first person she asks for when she wakes up and you should see her light up on the weekends when she realizes that he's home all day. It's so sweet.
-Julia is the cat police. Our cats can not get on the table, chew on the plastic plants or any other annoying habit of theirs without Julia screaming, "No! Down! No, Cat!!". Those cats don't stand a chance!

See? I do like her!!


And then there's my Elisabeth...

This girl is so...intense. She is either all in my stuff to the point that I can't have a complete thought because she hasn't shut up in 5 hours or she's so slow and airheady that I want to push her because she is not responding to me or moving at a normal human pace.

But, I have to tell you, I am so lucky to be Elisabeth's mom.
-That girl has the biggest heart. If she's not trying to talk me into adopting an orphaned child from Haiti, than she's telling me how we can save the planet. She is always thinking of things we should do to help people or make our family and friends feel special.
-She is growing into a very smart girl. I don't just mean school smarts (although, she is a fabulous reader and seems to be doing excellent in math...which baffles both Evan and me since neither of us liked math in school). She has been having some friend issues at school with the girls in her class. Elisabeth does not understand cattiness, which is a blessing. She comes home wanting to know why one of the girls in her class gets mad at Elisabeth for having curly hair or bigger feet than her. Elisabeth says, "Mom, I can't help it if my hair is curlier. That's how I'm made!".
-Elisabeth loves Julia. She (generally) likes playing with her and is willing to entertain her while I'm cooking dinner or taking a shower or just fed up with the toddling maniac.
-Elisabeth has taken an interest in the kitchen. She's become very instant on helping me make dinner or any dessert I'm trying out. She's getting the hang of measuring and is so proud of herself when she's helped cook. She also likes to come up with dinner ideas and will sometimes write things on my grocery list that she deems are necessary (aka:hot chocolate, corn pops, red apples).

Alright. I like her too.

I guess I'll go unpack my bags for my imminent escape.

I can give this "Mommy" thing another try...

The Weight Room.

Julia and I are back to the exercising grind. Well, that is to say, I exercise. Julia plays with children and reads books on squishy child size chairs. I should try to find her a chair like that for the house...

Anyway, as I mentioned before, I kind of took the month of December off from working out, so I am trying to re-establish a workout routine that is functional for me.

I always walk 2 miles. That's the first thing I do. I usually listen to my iPod and read a magazine because it makes the time go faster. Then, I try to do 20 minutes of some other cardio work out machine (the bikes, that glider-thingy, the stair-thingy). Now, before you start thinking, "Wow, Virginia. You're so awesome. You must be losing pounds left and right!", you must know that, actually...

No. No I'm not. I don't lose pounds left and right. I lose pounds slowly. Like a tortoise. Like a tortoise with a broken leg. Like a tortoise with a broken leg and a very heavy suitcase strapped to the top of his shell.

But, I do enjoy working out, so I'm trying to be patient. Like a tortoise.

After I do my cardio things and drink my water and thank the lord I can quit listening to the so very stupid women around me talk about Jersey Shore or whatever other crappy reality tv shows they watch that I don't know about, I head over to the weight room.

Now, I use these machines for about 20-30 minutes. I try to do mainly arm things because, well, I want my arms to be smaller and toned. Oh, and I want to be able to beat Evan up. So, I usually do some arm things and then maybe a few leg things so they'll be strong too. I listen to my iPod and remind myself constantly not to sing along because the weight room is much quieter than the cardio room.

Except...

Except for the noises coming from the extremely buff men. And the extremely (scarily) buff women. You see, one day, I forgot my iPod. I needed to recharge it and, because I am the most forgetful person ALIVE, I forgot to bring it with me. Now, this isn't as much of a problem in the cardio room because there's the radio and the tvs and the sounds of the treadmills and constant stupid chatter to serve as white noise. But, in the weight room, there is only quiet music that is filtered in. So, that day of iPodlessness, I heard the noises of what sounded like soft porn.

SERIOUSLY!!!

At first, I just kind of heard the occasional grunt from the guy with biceps bigger than Julia's tummy who is lifting too much weight. That just kind of sounds like a pig grunt. Normal. Then, I start hearing other sounds. Sounds of people lifting weights trying not to make sounds, which inevitably come out as moans. And deep sighs. And deep throat noises. And they're coming from the men and the women all at once.

I tried to ignore it. I tried to count my own weight lifting. I tried to focus on the soft rock music that seemed to be tuned to a channel that encouraged the mating sounds. But, I couldn't. And, because I'm juvenile, I started giggling. Yep, giggling. I know, I'm super mature.

So, now I'm that girl on the weight machine who's randomly laughing at nothing since I have no earphones in my ears and no person next to me that I'd been talking to.

Needless to say, I brought my iPod with me the very next day. And, I am trying to work on that whole "mature" thing.

Talking to my kids.

Elisabeth has a tendency to put on all of her dress up clothes at once. She is very special in that way.

Sometimes she even goes out in public like this. Mainly because I don't care if it means she'll get ready faster (the girl is the slooooowest person alive), but also, she's still little enough to not care what other people think about her. Which I love.

We had her parent teacher conference this week. First off, let me tell you how fantastic her teacher is. She's been teaching 1st grade for a while now, and she knows her stuff. Her room is full of awesome stuff for the kids, but not overly packed so it's overwhelming. She is enthusiastic and Elisabeth comes home daily talking about what they're learning in class. And, the best part, she obviously loves having Elisabeth in her class. The first thing she said when we walked in was, "Elisabeth is just fabulous!"

Elisabeth is doing well in her subjects, which we knew from the work she's brought home. She's a good student and friend, which we also knew because she was born that way. The girl has a huge heart and makes friends at the McDonald's play land, for goodness sakes. But the thing I found very interesting during the conference was the fact that Mrs. B kept complimenting us on "obviously talking to Elisabeth, answering her questions, and taking her places". I was flattered. But, also saddened.

I've been teaching for a long time. I know that there are lots of parents out there who honest to god, do not take their kids anywhere with them or even talk to their kids. And it's sad, because these kids don't know every day information, like basic household items, because they've never been told. I can't begin to tell you how many parent/teacher conferences I've been to where I was on the teacher end asking the parents, "Do you take them grocery shopping with you?" "Do you talk to them while you're doing laundry, in the car, at someone else's house?" "Do you read to them?". So many of them would kind of stutter or try to explain why, in fact, they are not interacting with their children. Some didn't even realize that they needed to. It's one of the many things I would change about pre-parenting education. As in, I would implement pre-parenting education starting in high school. And then more in college. And during pregnancy. It's so important to know how babies and children develop, and it's not something everyone naturally know. If you aren't someone who is going to do research before you have babies, how are you supposed to know that your kids first and foremost teacher is YOU?

I am a natural gabber. I remember being little and getting check marks on my report card for excessive talking. Dude, I talk to myself when no one else is around. The main reason I bring my kids grocery shopping with me is so I don't look insane while I rattle off my grocery list and prices to myself. But, I also talk to my kids because that is how they learn. It's how we all learn.

How will a kid know how to behave and act in a store if he's never taken to one and shown (in a patient, calm manner) how grocery stores work? How will a kid ever know the difference between fruits and vegetables if you aren't telling her what she's eating? Learning colors, sounds, animals, self image is all things that can be done in day-to-day interactions with your child.

Now, I'm not saying that I am this crazy mother who insanely drums colors into Julia's head whenever we're in the produce aisle (cause i've seen those moms too...and their kids are itching to run as far and as fast as they possibly can). But, when Julia points to a watermelon and screams "APPLE!" (because she obviously wants to eat that giant apple immediately due to her starving nature), I say "That's a watermelon." And maybe after the millionth time I say it, she'll eventually equate the word watermelon with the actual fruit.

I realize that Evan and I are both dorks. We still LOVE things like history, science, literature, CBS Sunday Morning. Our kids are just going to think everyone gets excited about museums and books and continued education. They will assume everyone's parents are always either in college or talking about going back. It's one of those things we'll be passing on that will actually be a benefit to them (unlike the weird mannerisms that they will eventually realize only their super odd parents do).

So, we're doing something right, I guess. Which is nice to hear. Because some days, it sure doesn't feel like I'm doing anything right in the mommy department.

Speech.

Please bear with me. I am feeling very nostalgic right now for many different reasons...

In the fall of 1996, my sophomore year of high school, one of my friends talked me into trying out for the high school speech team. Now, as strange as it may seem now, I was very, very, very shy in high school. Well, at least the first 2 years of it. My friend desperately wanted to try out and wanted someone to go with her. I went with, because I'm a pushover, and I knew I wouldn't make it but wanted her to at least have a chance.

Well, I made it. I was shocked. SHOCKED. I don't even remember the try outs. (Oh, my friend made it too.) I do remember the first meeting I had with my new coach, Mr. Ewan. He said, "Well, I'm giving you a chance because I think you could be good. So, try not to suck too bad." My goodness, that man scared me.

My sophomore year on the speech team was very uneventful. I don't actually remember too much of it. I remember practices where Mr. Ewan would patiently (and sometimes not patiently) try to get me to come out of my shell. Mr. Ewan was a very sarcastic, cynical man, and I absolutely adored him. I hated disappointing him and loved loved loved making him laugh, because it was hard to do. He put me in Humorous Interpretation (HI) because he thought I was funny or could be funny ("My god, Virginia, that line's supposed to be funny, not boring. I'm dying over here. Dying!) I would bring books and crocheting on bus trips and overnights (because I'm soooo cool) and just tried not to forget my lines or mess up too bad during competitions. I made a couple of friends, but really kept to myself mostly. Looking back, I feel so bad for the judges who had to watch me perform. It totally sucks watching half-ass speeches being given.

For some reason, Mr. Ewan still saw potential in me. He made me promise to try out the next year and "hopefully we'll get you to, you know, act or something".

Junior year was a whole new ball game. I missed the speech team desperately over the summer and felt confident that I could do better my second year. I tried out and wrote my own speech, which had all three coaches laughing. Mr. Ewan pulled me aside after try-outs and said, "Hm. Looks like you found it." Because I knew the drill and what competitions were like, I threw myself into practices. I was in more events and even was given a partner for Humorous Duet Acting (HDA). Mr. Ewan thought I was funny, which I found baffling, but decided to trust him. I actually started making it to finals and realized the power of laughter. Dear lord, it is intoxicating. Mr. Ewan found that I did much better if I had a crowd watching me during practices, so he started pulling kids from the hallways waiting their turn for practices to come and watch me, "cause god knows she sucks without an audience".

Junior year I also tried out for the school plays. Once again, I was pretty sure I wouldn't make it, but my sister wanted me to try out because she was, so I gave it a whirl. Mr. Smith was the director, and the play was Little Women. I ended up winning the role of "Marmee" and found myself pretty busy with speech and play practice. (Oh, and my sister made the crew and became "The Wardrobe Mistress".) A lot of the same people in the plays were also in speech. It made practices very comfortable. I found that I absolutely adored being on stage. I loved everything about it. I loved the costumes, the props, having multiple people to act with. On opening night, I was very nervous about walking on stage with an audience actually watching. Turns out, though, that when there's a large audience, I end up doing a better job of performing. I ended up making the lead role in the spring play, "You Can't Take It With You".

Senior year, I was co-captain of the speech team. I added Special Occasion Speaking (SOS) to my list of speeches and was in both the fall (Our Town) and spring (Auntie Mame) plays as well. Definitely no longer the wall flower, I took my job as co-captain to heart and recruited freshman that I thought would make great speechies. Some of the friends I made through the plays were also trying out for the speech team, and I'd say my senior year, we had one of the best teams ever. Not only were they talented (cause they super were), they were good people. I know that we were all kids, but, honestly, this group of young people were phenomenal individuals. Still are.

After high school, I ended up joining the speech team at my community college (Illinois Central College). My fellow co-captain went with me and I really enjoyed competing at a college level. We traveled a lot more and it was definitely more challenging, but I still loved performing. I also continued to be involved with my old high school team and judged at competitions.

There are very few moments in time where you can say, "That. That moment is what changed my life forever." Joining speech team is one of those moments for me. You see, if I hadn't joined the speech team, I don't know that I ever would have gotten over my shyness. Without the speech team, I never would have continued acting into college or even my adult life. I never would have become friends with the other speechies, most of whom, I am still good friends with today. If I hadn't had the immense privilege of having Mr. Ewan as my coach, constantly pushing me to become the best Virginia I could be, I never would have tried out for the plays at the high school. Which is sad to think about, because that's where I met Evan. He'd joined the speech team and won the role of "Laurie" in Little Women. I pretty much had a crush on Evan from the minute I met him. And where would I be without Evan? It's too sad to think about, quite honestly.

I know that I have rambled on about this, (thank you for indulging me), but I have had these kids on my mind a lot lately. One of those excellent freshman passed away and the funeral is tomorrow. And even though I haven't been in contact with a lot of them in years now, I still have "my freshmen" forever in my mind as how I met them--young, 14 year olds with so much potential and talent that it's mind boggling. They have all been so successful in life, it's hard to see one of them leave this earth so soon.

I have endless photos of these wonderful people that I befriended on the speech team, but, alas, that was before digital cameras. And, I have no scanner, so I have a few that were up on our high school's webpage.

Benny T. and me in Our Town my senior year.

My girls: Lacy and Meg. They were part of the freshman crew my senior year. This was Evan's senior year of speech, I believe.

An excellent group of people. Excellent.

Lovely ladies.

Matt, Cole and Evan, their senior year.