Fighting the Good Fight

My children are loud people.

It is rare when my house is quiet (although, right this second, it is! Julia is reading and V is playing trains and you could hear a pin drop!!!). With five people under this roof, there is a lot of talking, laughing, crying, singing, bickering, hollering, storytelling, more bickering, screaming and general chaos.


I am very upfront that I know I, myself, am a very loud person. I would always tell the people who interviewed me for teaching positions that I'm loud--I'm loud when I'm happy, loud when I'm excited, loud when I'm frustrated. I felt I owed it to them to know in advance that they were not hiring a quiet, peaceful teacher.


However, my house is loudest when my children are bickering and lately that feels like all the freaking time.

They wake up and start fighting.

They sit by each other and fight.

They fight from opposite sides of the house.

They fight outside, inside, at the store, at the library.

One time, when we were at a hotel, Elisabeth and Julia were both sleep talking and it sounded like bickering!

I am no stranger to sibling bickering. It is the chosen language of me and my own sister. It is a part of being in a family and having siblings--there will be fighting, hurt feelings, frustration. But one thing that Evan and I both feel strongly about is that there should never be any bullying and that, in general, you should always be respectful and kind--even to your siblings.

While our theory is all good and whatnot, actually teaching it to our offspring is a battle. I find that we are constantly repeating ourselves to what seem to be deaf ears. We also are saying the same things to 6.5 year old Julia about how she treats Vivian that we had to tell a younger Elisabeth about how she was treating a toddler Julia.

Full circle, people. This means we'll definitely be telling 6.5 year old Vivian to be nice to her three year old brother.

As much as I dislike repeating myself and as much as I feel like I am not being heard, every now and then there is a glimmer of hope that maybe my words are sinking in; moments when I hear them correcting their tone from being rude to kind, when I hear them trying their best to compromise, when I hear them saying yes to a younger sibling asking them to play when I know they really want to say no.

One thing I always tell the older two girls (every day, a million times a day) is that they will be siblings FOREVER. They will be talking, listening, dealing with each other until the end of time. As the oldest, Elisabeth has a heavier load because all of the kiddos will be looking up to her. She has had the most experience dealing with younger siblings and needs to set an example of how to deal with persistent toddlers and pesky grade school sibling antics. We talk a lot about how she communicates with them is how they are learning to communicate with those younger than them. And that sometimes you have to make sacrifices--like playing trains with your toddler sister when you'd rather hole up in your room and listen to music or let your elementary aged sister hang out in your room with you while you clean. How she talks to them and treats them is going to have a bigger impact than how their friends treat them.


Something that is hard to understand, that took me a while to understand before I could teach it to my kids, is that building up these relationships now is the basis for how they will treat each other as grown ups. The same annoying traits and habits that they want to punch their sisters in the face for now are just going to become annoying adult habits that will most likely still make them want to punch their sister. But, with each time they successfully compromise, with each time they sacrifice their time or their own wants for a sibling, with each act of grace they show, they aren't just building up their relationships with each other, they are learning and practicing how to be better people (which I hear is what the whole goal of parenting really is--raising good people). And who doesn't want to have their adult siblings be awesome people to turn to?


So for each rare, unicorn sighting moment when my children are all getting along and there is peace in the land, I am taking it as a victory. And a chance for my ears to stop bleeding from the last sibling bickering battle.

Sisters

It's interesting to have three girls and watch their sibling relationships unfold. Each of our three have such unique, strong personalities from the other two that the dynamics of their relationships revolve a lot around these differences.

Elisabeth and Julia have a relationship that is completely different than Julia and Vivian's. E & J are so polar opposite in almost every aspect that they tend to not understand (or sometimes don't try to understand) where the other person is coming from. Yes, part of it is the age difference (5.5 years apart), but I think that even if they were closer in age we'd still be seeing the same level of bickering and frustration. Elisabeth is not a crier and Julia cries a lot (all day. every day. over everything). Elisabeth is not cuddly and Julia needs lots of hugs and kisses to show and feel loved. Both are equally bossy and stubborn. But, when they do get along, it is like sighting a unicorn--it is unbelievably beautiful and sweet. 

Cooking together.

It was really hard on Julia when Elisabeth no longer wanted to play house or dolls with her. Sometimes I would encourage Elisabeth to play just because it's what families do for each other--they play or participate in activities that may seem boring but make the other family member happy. Recently, after Julia came bawling to me that Elisabeth wouldn't play house with her, I told Julia that she needed to think of new things that she and Elisabeth could do together now that Elisabeth was older. We brainstormed for awhile and came up with reading books, coloring, drawing, cooking, and watching shows like Full House or Little House on the Prairie. It still made Julia sad, but she was able to get Elisabeth to read a book together with her and both of their needs as siblings were met.

To be honest, their relationship is a lot like the one I have with my sister. We're just so completely opposite in almost all areas of interests and how we deal with things that bickering and teasing seemed to be the only thing we could do well together. Helping Elisabeth and Julia get along and compromise comes easy to me because I rely on tools I learned to use or wish had been shown to me in how to deal with my sister or how I wish she would have dealt with me.

Which is why the relationship that Julia and Vivian have is so amazing to me--it's like the sibling relationships that others talk about where their kids are best friends. That's how Julia and Vivian are; these two are inseparable. Only 3.5 years apart, they completely click. Even though they also have very different personalities, their personalities seem to compliment each other well. Vivian completely worships the ground Julia walks on. I often joke that Vivian wants to be Julia when she grows up.

Putting warm pancakes on her cheeks. Weirdo.

Monkey see, Monkey do.

Actually, I'm not too far off base. Whatever Julia declares she wants to be when she grows up, Vivian replies that she wants to be Julia's helper dog.

Julia: I'm going to be a science teacher when I grow up!
Vivian: I gonna be Juju's science teacher helper dog!

(Vivian really wants to grow up and be a dog. Or a baby.)

And Julia loves loves loves being a big sister. She likes teaching Vivian and having a built in playmate. Julia took to being a big sister very quickly and very seriously.


Things that they they do that Elisabeth and Julia never really did: wear matching clothes, have the exact same toys, watch the same shows, and enjoy sharing a room.

I realize that they have been together at home more than Elisabeth and Julia ever were. Elisabeth was starting Kindergarten when we had Julia, so she was always at school or involved in activities for as long as Julia can remember. With Vivian, Julia has always been home, especially since we homeschooled Julia for Kindergarten and are now doing so for the rest of first grade. I am sure that plays a certain part in the closeness they share.

Now that isn't to say that their relationship isn't loud and bickering. If you have been in our house longer than ten minutes you will hear them screaming and whining to and about each other. They're siblings and, no matter how much I wish it away, bickering is going to occur. (Heck, even Elisabeth and Vivian bicker and they are 9 years apart!!)

Which leads me to Elisabeth and Vivian's relationship. They are enough apart in years that they've never been playmates. Vivian told me the other day that Elisabeth was a grown up, and I am sure to her little toddler self that Elisabeth does seem grown up. Ebeth is next in command if Evan and I aren't around and both Julia and Vivian feel safe in new situations if they know their Didi (aka: Elisabeth) is going to be there with them.

Recently, Evan's sister graciously offered to keep all three girls for an overnight at her house (because she LOVES us!). Vivian had never been away from both Evan and me overnight before and I explained to her that we would not be staying with her at Aunt Kyle's house. "Oh. Will Didi be there?" I said she would and Vivian was totally fine going.

However, where Vivian refers to Julia as her friend ("Mommy, where is my friend Julia?"), she simply calls Elisabeth "my Didi". Elisabeth is hers and that's all there is to it. Elisabeth goes to school, Elisabeth can rock her to sleep, give her a bath, cook her food, and reach things Vivian can't reach. Elisabeth also likes to wrestle and tickle, likes to run around outside and likes to push Vivian on walks in her little pink car. Vivian has an older sister that is almost like a third parent but still is silly and plays with her like another kid. It's a sibling relationship I like to watch unfold.

It makes me curious to see how each relationship with this new baby will be. Only 3 years between him and Vivian, 7 years between him and Julia, and 12.5 years between him and Elisabeth. Not to mention, the dynamic between brothers and sisters is bound to be different than sisters and sisters.

I do know one thing, though--this baby boy better be ready to wrestle his big sister Vivian because she has already said countless times that she can't wait to wrestle him. (Lord, have mercy.)

A Catch Up (from the last 5 months...)

Ugh, so much has happened in our lives the last five months that not only did I neglect this poorly neglected blog but I also failed at taking pictures because WE WERE SO BUSY.

So, I'm just going to highlight via bulletpoints the big things that have happened to our little family since I last posted.

-WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER BABY!!! 

Yep! Baby #4 is due to enter the world at the end of June and it's a BOY! Very excited to add him to the crew. Julia is desperately hoping that Baby #4 will not be born on her birthday (June 23) because she does not want to share a birthday and she *will* cry if that happens.

Erm...I'll do my best stereotypical middle child...

-WE MOVED!!

In December we packed up our stuff and said good bye to Texas. Evan got a job offer in Illinois and we headed back up a few days before Christmas. We stayed with Evan's parents for about 10 days while we waited for our household goods to show up at the house we're renting.

The girls were so excited to spend the holidays with our families. 

A rare moment when they are all playing something together without bickering. 

 And our nephews are on cloud nine that we are back and can see them all the time now.

Of course, we moved into our new house the first weekend in January and one week later it snowed 13 inches. Welcome back to Illinois, y'all.

But, the girls really were so jazzed to see snow. For Vivian, it was her first real winter. Texas kind of spoiled us when it came to the winter months, so there was some adjustments to how we do things (like having to wear socks *every* day).

We've settled into a routine pretty well. Now that the winter that never ended seems to be settling into spring, we'll start the process of looking for a house (scary! intimidating! eek!). Until then, we do really like the house we're renting, especially the kitchen!!!

(More snow pictures because that is what our life has been the last few months.)

-VIVIAN TURNED 3!!!
This little tornado turned three in February. She had a Trains, Planes and Automobiles themed party. My mom sent her this shirt and it was absolutely perfect for her party attire!

She really wanted a police car cake. Thankfully I had a car cake pan already and experimented with making and using marshmallow fondant. She was so stinking thrilled with her police car cake.

The next day was her actual birthday and she got to open presents with us and her Nina & Papa. She got a lot of Toy Story toys (Rex, Buzz and Woody!) because, as were her sisters before her at the exact same age, she is obsessed with the Toy Story movies.

She also got a tea set from her Nina & Papa that she plays with almost every morning when we wake up. She makes tea and I drink my coffee.Yes, it is as ridiculously cute as it sounds.

-ELISABETH!!
True to her personality, Elisabeth has adjusted to her new school very well. She's joined the volleyball team and likes her classes. She has to wear a uniform (duh, Catholic school), which she has always wanted to do, but has now realized that she kind of missing wearing everyday clothes. Her school is minutes from our home, so Evan takes her every morning and the girls and I pick her up in the afternoon.

One of the nice things about being closer to family (only 2.5 hours away!) is that the grandparents can come to things like games and whatnot. In fact, we've probably seen family every 3-4 weeks since we've moved here! It's really helped Vivian develop closer relationships with everyone (because she's kind of a jerk when she doesn't see you often and takes forever to warm up).



-JULIA!!!
Julia decided to finish first grade by being homeschooled. Moving and starting school in the middle of the year was daunting to her and I don't blame her. But, next year she'll be joining Elisabeth at school for 2nd grade and she's pretty excited.

Also, she has really blossomed as a reader! Her nose is in a book more often than not nowadays and I can not even begin to tell you how unbelievably happy this makes me!!

-FIGARO!!! (cause I know you're dying to hear how the cat has adjusted)
Well, he's still sweet but dumb as you can see pictured below.

He is stuck in the screen. He stayed like this until I got his claw unstuck. He purred the whole time.

So, that's us in a nutshell right now. Still keeping our level of normal.


One thing that I have learned throughout all of the big changes we have gone through--separating from the Air Force, having a short time to find a job and move, moving while pregnant (again), doing our best to adjust to Evan having a civilian job, is that it is really, really important that we keep our routines and a connection as a family. We have moved a lot less than other military families, but moving is always hard no matter how often you have to do it. Trying to keep our life and habits the same in each house and in each state has made a huge difference, especially for the girls. They know that we eat dinner every night as a family. Bedtime is the same time with the same routine--bath, brush teeth, stories, snuggles. We organize the kitchen, the closets, etc as much the same in each house as we can. But, most importantly, we truly try to make sure they know that our nuclear family is the most important, no matter where we move, no matter where life takes us. Our expectations are always the same.

So, we are enjoying this temporary house while we live in it and making a home here while we are here.

Fort Sam Fire Station Open House Fun!!

Last weekend we waited out a thunderstorm so we could go visit the Fire Station's Open House! (It has been on the calendar for a few weeks and the younger two were SO EXCITED about it all.)

Each girl brought her firetruck (cause, you know, we have our own toy fire fighter crew) and marched to the fire house.

There were a lot of activities inside--a cartoon about practicing fire safety at home, donuts to eat, and this super cool fire extinguisher simulator.

Julia is the queen of shyness. She's really excited but you'd never know looking at these pictures.

But, of course, the highlight of the day was getting to climb in and out of the firetrucks. Vivian, who can sometimes be super rudely shy to strangers didn't even flinch when the fireman asked her if she wanted to climb in; she just marched right up and started scrambling in. She even let the fireman pick her up! She must have really wanted inside that truck.

Elisabeth is almost tall enough to legitimately drive the truck. Sob.

My instructions: I'm going to take pictures, you make sure she doesn't break the truck.

Not, make sure she doesn't fall, but make sure she doesn't break the truck because seriously.

A genuine smile!!!

"Juju, you a firefighter now?"

The beloved ladder truck.

She just wanted to sit behind the wheel for hours. And push all the buttons and turn all the knobs and flip all the switches. She found the ignition button to this one and was determined to push it, so Evan declared her done. Yes, the trucks were off, but it's better to be safe than sorry with this kid.

I love this picture:

The ladder truck has a bell. They let the children ring it. It was loud.

Me: Everyone sit on the truck so I can get a picture.

Ebeth: (in an embarrassed exasperated tone) Whyyy???

Me: Because I birthed you all and want to photograph you so I can look at these pictures when I am old and you've moved out and I'm lonely and miss you.

Ebeth: Ok, Mom. Also, that was kind of dramatic. 

This is Hydrant the Robot. Julia loooooved him. She wanted to bring him and the firefighter that was controlling and talking for the robot home with us. Awkward.

Vivian was at first frightened of him and screamed when he tried talking to her. Then she found him amusing. Then she started hitting him with her hat.

Her face when he said, "Ouch! You hit me!":

It was a good day! The storm made it much cooler than when we'd attended the Open House in 2011. Cool days in Texas are a gift, people. A gift.