Fighting the Good Fight

My children are loud people.

It is rare when my house is quiet (although, right this second, it is! Julia is reading and V is playing trains and you could hear a pin drop!!!). With five people under this roof, there is a lot of talking, laughing, crying, singing, bickering, hollering, storytelling, more bickering, screaming and general chaos.


I am very upfront that I know I, myself, am a very loud person. I would always tell the people who interviewed me for teaching positions that I'm loud--I'm loud when I'm happy, loud when I'm excited, loud when I'm frustrated. I felt I owed it to them to know in advance that they were not hiring a quiet, peaceful teacher.


However, my house is loudest when my children are bickering and lately that feels like all the freaking time.

They wake up and start fighting.

They sit by each other and fight.

They fight from opposite sides of the house.

They fight outside, inside, at the store, at the library.

One time, when we were at a hotel, Elisabeth and Julia were both sleep talking and it sounded like bickering!

I am no stranger to sibling bickering. It is the chosen language of me and my own sister. It is a part of being in a family and having siblings--there will be fighting, hurt feelings, frustration. But one thing that Evan and I both feel strongly about is that there should never be any bullying and that, in general, you should always be respectful and kind--even to your siblings.

While our theory is all good and whatnot, actually teaching it to our offspring is a battle. I find that we are constantly repeating ourselves to what seem to be deaf ears. We also are saying the same things to 6.5 year old Julia about how she treats Vivian that we had to tell a younger Elisabeth about how she was treating a toddler Julia.

Full circle, people. This means we'll definitely be telling 6.5 year old Vivian to be nice to her three year old brother.

As much as I dislike repeating myself and as much as I feel like I am not being heard, every now and then there is a glimmer of hope that maybe my words are sinking in; moments when I hear them correcting their tone from being rude to kind, when I hear them trying their best to compromise, when I hear them saying yes to a younger sibling asking them to play when I know they really want to say no.

One thing I always tell the older two girls (every day, a million times a day) is that they will be siblings FOREVER. They will be talking, listening, dealing with each other until the end of time. As the oldest, Elisabeth has a heavier load because all of the kiddos will be looking up to her. She has had the most experience dealing with younger siblings and needs to set an example of how to deal with persistent toddlers and pesky grade school sibling antics. We talk a lot about how she communicates with them is how they are learning to communicate with those younger than them. And that sometimes you have to make sacrifices--like playing trains with your toddler sister when you'd rather hole up in your room and listen to music or let your elementary aged sister hang out in your room with you while you clean. How she talks to them and treats them is going to have a bigger impact than how their friends treat them.


Something that is hard to understand, that took me a while to understand before I could teach it to my kids, is that building up these relationships now is the basis for how they will treat each other as grown ups. The same annoying traits and habits that they want to punch their sisters in the face for now are just going to become annoying adult habits that will most likely still make them want to punch their sister. But, with each time they successfully compromise, with each time they sacrifice their time or their own wants for a sibling, with each act of grace they show, they aren't just building up their relationships with each other, they are learning and practicing how to be better people (which I hear is what the whole goal of parenting really is--raising good people). And who doesn't want to have their adult siblings be awesome people to turn to?


So for each rare, unicorn sighting moment when my children are all getting along and there is peace in the land, I am taking it as a victory. And a chance for my ears to stop bleeding from the last sibling bickering battle.

The Importance of Naps when Uber Pregnant

You guys, today, I am 36 weeks pregnant.

That is really pregnant.

That is so pregnant that I am pretty sure I have never been this pregnant and can't get any bigger than I currently am right now.

It is so pregnant that people are starting to stop me out in public to explain to me that I look like I am going to pop or sound sadly shocked to hear I still have over 3 weeks left to go.

I am SO PREGNANT that I can not put my socks on without a pep talk to my legs about bending and lifting. Forgetaboutit if I drop something on the floor because there is no way I'm bending over to get it. And if you for a minute think that I can get off the couch without a prayer, you are wrong, my friend. Wrong.

Being this pregnant also means that I sleep horribly at night (due to hip pain, constantly getting up to use the bathroom, slowly rolling over by trying to lead with my belly) (oh, and apparently I snore...like a pig...). This leads to me puttering out in the middle of the day and giving in to the siren song of napping.

Aren't naps great? I know I have always appreciated naps, even as a kid! I had morning kindergarten and I specifically remember coming home and asking for a nap. (Yes, I was the Best Kid Ever, thankyouverymuch.) There's just something so lovely about catching a few sleeps when the sun is out. Seriously, I could probably write a whole book of poems dedicated to naps.

A rare nap for Vivian.

The other day I was starting to feel the pull to take a nap and told Julia that I was going to go rest in my room for a little bit. Julia, who will be 7 years old next month, is usually pretty ok with me napping. When I first started needing them, I told her that growing people in your belly makes you really tired and that if I went to lay down it was only for an hour and that she and Vivian could watch tv while I napped. She found this to be the most excellent of deals.

Of course, there are times I feel guilty for napping during the day. I know that for a few months out of their lives having extra tv time is not a big deal, but I couldn't figure out why I was feeling guilty for trying to catch some much needed pregnant lady sleep this go-round. Then it dawned on me--this is the first time that I have been pregnant and had kids home during the day.

So, obviously, when I was pregnant with Elisabeth I had zero kids and could crash whenever I wanted while pregnant (well, after student teaching, of course). It was dreamy.

When I was pregnant with Julia, I worked full time. So I lived off of coffee at work and either came home and slept or went to bed super early (like 8:30pm). That actually sucked because I'd get home and either sleep through dinner, leaving Evan and Elisabeth to eat without me, or I'd go to bed the same time as Elisabeth and lose that down time with Evan.

With Vivian's pregnancy, I had three year old Julia at home with me, but she napped for 2-3 hours every day! I just napped when she napped. That was definitely the ideal.

But, with neither Julia or Vivian napping, now I have to squeeze in naps. I finally had to just give myself permission to not feel bad. They get to watch tv, they are given snacks, and both know that they can come wake me up if they need me (aka: blood or fire).

One day last week I was kind of cranky and borderline weepy. I can't even remember all the details, but I was huffing and puffing about something and I look over and see Julia staring at me. With the kind of wisdom only a child can possess she quietly said, "Mommy, I think today will need to be a nap day for you."

Yes, dear.

A Day with Trains (aka Vivian Explodes with Delight)

Yesterday we ventured over to Union, Illinois to visit the Illinois Railway Museum. I don't remember how we had heard about it, but if you at all have met Vivian, you know we have a train junkie in our house. We figured that she'd enjoy spending a few hours looking at real life trains and it's only about 40 minutes east of Rockford, so a super easy trip to make. 

What we weren't expecting was this museum to be so hopping! There were a lot of people there, lots of things to ride on, and so much to visit. Even for those of us who aren't really into trains (aka: me and Elisabeth) we ended up having more fun than we anticipated.

Evan won major points for finding us a Groupon so that we were all only $4 each to get in! Gotta love a deal. We rode on an old commuter trolley first that was bright red. The conductors came and punched your tickets, which the younger two girls found exciting. 

Why can't my third child just nicely smile for pictures?! Siiiiigh.

I'm really glad we chose to go yesterday because the weather was PERFECT! Low 70s, sunny, and I didn't melt into a 35+ week pregnant pile of sweat. I hate sweating. Plus, there was no fast walking and lots of places to sit.

There was a picnic area and a little park for the kiddos. Next time we will totally bring a lunch.

Besides the working trolleys (three total), the old 70s accordion bus (we did not ride that this time), and the steam train, there were a lot of barns filled to the max with tons of different trains.

Vivian totally loves talking about how trains are coupled. Every time she saw two engines coupled together she made us all look.

I was partial to the yellow trains or trolleys. Obvs.

This trolley went directly to the zoo!!! Best one ever!

The steam engines were unanimously the favorite of the trains we saw.

Vivian was super cute because she kept using her shirt as a reference point with all the steam trains she saw. She'd see if the train had the same parts as her shirt. "There's the funnel...and the bell...and the whistle..."

Another red trolley! This one took you all over the grounds and dropped you off places. It was a uber pregnant lady's dream.

There were a few old train cars they'd turned into gift shops and book stores.

Vivian was so excited to see THREE play train tables. We hung out there for a good twenty minutes.

We ended up eating lunch at the diner.

Time to ride the actual STEAM TRAIN!!

This was the last thing we did and Vivian was so excited that she couldn't function normally. She laid down in her seat while she waited for the train to start moving. This was her face when she heard the whistle:

Passing the trolley on the tracks:

After the ride you could go up and look inside the control room.

In August they are having Thomas and Percy come and all three girls agreed that it would be worth it to come back that soon so Vivian could ride her favorite trains. There really was so much to do and see that we didn't get to it all in the 5 hours that we were there. It was a fun day!

Sisters

It's interesting to have three girls and watch their sibling relationships unfold. Each of our three have such unique, strong personalities from the other two that the dynamics of their relationships revolve a lot around these differences.

Elisabeth and Julia have a relationship that is completely different than Julia and Vivian's. E & J are so polar opposite in almost every aspect that they tend to not understand (or sometimes don't try to understand) where the other person is coming from. Yes, part of it is the age difference (5.5 years apart), but I think that even if they were closer in age we'd still be seeing the same level of bickering and frustration. Elisabeth is not a crier and Julia cries a lot (all day. every day. over everything). Elisabeth is not cuddly and Julia needs lots of hugs and kisses to show and feel loved. Both are equally bossy and stubborn. But, when they do get along, it is like sighting a unicorn--it is unbelievably beautiful and sweet. 

Cooking together.

It was really hard on Julia when Elisabeth no longer wanted to play house or dolls with her. Sometimes I would encourage Elisabeth to play just because it's what families do for each other--they play or participate in activities that may seem boring but make the other family member happy. Recently, after Julia came bawling to me that Elisabeth wouldn't play house with her, I told Julia that she needed to think of new things that she and Elisabeth could do together now that Elisabeth was older. We brainstormed for awhile and came up with reading books, coloring, drawing, cooking, and watching shows like Full House or Little House on the Prairie. It still made Julia sad, but she was able to get Elisabeth to read a book together with her and both of their needs as siblings were met.

To be honest, their relationship is a lot like the one I have with my sister. We're just so completely opposite in almost all areas of interests and how we deal with things that bickering and teasing seemed to be the only thing we could do well together. Helping Elisabeth and Julia get along and compromise comes easy to me because I rely on tools I learned to use or wish had been shown to me in how to deal with my sister or how I wish she would have dealt with me.

Which is why the relationship that Julia and Vivian have is so amazing to me--it's like the sibling relationships that others talk about where their kids are best friends. That's how Julia and Vivian are; these two are inseparable. Only 3.5 years apart, they completely click. Even though they also have very different personalities, their personalities seem to compliment each other well. Vivian completely worships the ground Julia walks on. I often joke that Vivian wants to be Julia when she grows up.

Putting warm pancakes on her cheeks. Weirdo.

Monkey see, Monkey do.

Actually, I'm not too far off base. Whatever Julia declares she wants to be when she grows up, Vivian replies that she wants to be Julia's helper dog.

Julia: I'm going to be a science teacher when I grow up!
Vivian: I gonna be Juju's science teacher helper dog!

(Vivian really wants to grow up and be a dog. Or a baby.)

And Julia loves loves loves being a big sister. She likes teaching Vivian and having a built in playmate. Julia took to being a big sister very quickly and very seriously.


Things that they they do that Elisabeth and Julia never really did: wear matching clothes, have the exact same toys, watch the same shows, and enjoy sharing a room.

I realize that they have been together at home more than Elisabeth and Julia ever were. Elisabeth was starting Kindergarten when we had Julia, so she was always at school or involved in activities for as long as Julia can remember. With Vivian, Julia has always been home, especially since we homeschooled Julia for Kindergarten and are now doing so for the rest of first grade. I am sure that plays a certain part in the closeness they share.

Now that isn't to say that their relationship isn't loud and bickering. If you have been in our house longer than ten minutes you will hear them screaming and whining to and about each other. They're siblings and, no matter how much I wish it away, bickering is going to occur. (Heck, even Elisabeth and Vivian bicker and they are 9 years apart!!)

Which leads me to Elisabeth and Vivian's relationship. They are enough apart in years that they've never been playmates. Vivian told me the other day that Elisabeth was a grown up, and I am sure to her little toddler self that Elisabeth does seem grown up. Ebeth is next in command if Evan and I aren't around and both Julia and Vivian feel safe in new situations if they know their Didi (aka: Elisabeth) is going to be there with them.

Recently, Evan's sister graciously offered to keep all three girls for an overnight at her house (because she LOVES us!). Vivian had never been away from both Evan and me overnight before and I explained to her that we would not be staying with her at Aunt Kyle's house. "Oh. Will Didi be there?" I said she would and Vivian was totally fine going.

However, where Vivian refers to Julia as her friend ("Mommy, where is my friend Julia?"), she simply calls Elisabeth "my Didi". Elisabeth is hers and that's all there is to it. Elisabeth goes to school, Elisabeth can rock her to sleep, give her a bath, cook her food, and reach things Vivian can't reach. Elisabeth also likes to wrestle and tickle, likes to run around outside and likes to push Vivian on walks in her little pink car. Vivian has an older sister that is almost like a third parent but still is silly and plays with her like another kid. It's a sibling relationship I like to watch unfold.

It makes me curious to see how each relationship with this new baby will be. Only 3 years between him and Vivian, 7 years between him and Julia, and 12.5 years between him and Elisabeth. Not to mention, the dynamic between brothers and sisters is bound to be different than sisters and sisters.

I do know one thing, though--this baby boy better be ready to wrestle his big sister Vivian because she has already said countless times that she can't wait to wrestle him. (Lord, have mercy.)