So Very Two

I realize that I just recently posted to tell you all how Vivian is a menace trying to torture me to death by being two years old, but, you guys, seriously...the child is insanely exhausting. 

Let me think about where to begin...

Today I bribed her into letting me put her hair into a ponytail by giving her a piece of gum. Later in the day, I bribed her to stop chewing on rocks she'd put in a cup by giving her a piece of gum. (I buy a lot of gum)

Yesterday, I was cooking dinner (Pioneer Woman's Chicken Pot Pie, in case you were curious) (and, yes, it was delicious!) and it was just me and Vivian because Evan had taken the other two to their respected tball/softball practices. I was getting ready to make the pie crust for the top of the pot pie (Pioneer Woman's Pie Crust recipe, of course!) and went to grab the butter I needed except I couldn't find the half stick I'd left out. Now, I am naturally forgetful so I started looking in the places I might leave the butter--refrigerator, by the mixer, all the counter space. I was starting to get frustrated when it occurred to me who was home with me. Not looking, but hearing her making noises from the living room, I asked: "Vivian, do you have my butter?"

"Umm...."

I walk in and she is sitting in Evan's recliner with butter she'd dug out with her grubby little toddler fingers smeared all over his chair.

 She is never still. Never. She still sleeps with us half the night and even in her sleep she is just such a wiggle worm. She needs gross motor activities on daily basis or she is a beast. I am so, so thankful for our trampoline and large yard. Sometimes she will wrestle with Evan or run laps around the inside of the house on days when we can't get outside. I am always so relieved when they go to the YLand at the Y because it's like the playlands in restaurants and she can climb and slide while I'm working out.

 She is just so contrary. I will ask her to throw away the banana peel she just carelessly flung onto the couch and she will manically laugh as she tells me no. But, I tell her, "No, Mommy wants to throw it away," and she will scream, "NO! YINYIN (translation: Vivian) DO IT!". Sometimes trying to trying to use reverse psychology to get her to comply from the get-go backfires, though. You just never know!

 She's really cute when she's sleeping though. Or when she's restrained in a car seat.

 

 Taking her in public is like setting my pet tornado loose on mankind. Today at the library, I was in line to check out books. Again, we were alone (having the older two around is a HUGE HELP when anywhere with Vivian because they are fabulous older sisters who are fully aware that the youngest one is insane in the membrane), so every time I would try to corral her I'd end up losing my place in line. Finally, I gave up and just prayed she wouldn't tear the ding dong place down. After she tipped over the two gaming chairs in the video game area and yelled at me while sitting upside down in one and pointing to the second chair, "MOMMY! THIS-A ONE FOR YOU!", she proceeded to bring me every recycling and garbage can in the library. You'd think there wouldn't be that many cans in a somewhat small library, but you'd be wrong. She managed to bring me 5 before I was finished. How lucky am I that the librarians found her cute and were so sweet about her wreaking havoc?! I reassured them that she trashes my home as well.

 Don't get me wrong, the kid is a hoot! She likes to have us tie pieces of fabric around her neck so she can be Super Bunny and then she yells out, "SUPER BUNNY, AWAY!!!" and runs laps around the house.

Her love of dump trucks is so sweet. She asks every morning to dress up (translation: get dressed) so she can go get her pal Mac and go play trucks. We have a book with little poems in them and one is called Dump Truck. She has the whole thing memorized.

She is really stingy with her hugs, kisses, and I love yous, so we all feel honored when she actually consents to being kissed and hugged or actually tells you she loves you too after you tell her.

 Sometimes I weigh the pros and cons to taking her places because we have a very small window of what we all refer to as "Vivian Time", which means we have about X amount of time on any given errand day before she loses her mind in public and goes into full destruction/tantrum mode. If you were visiting us you would often hear us say, "If we go both of those places, we may be pushing our luck with Vivian Time" or "We are wasting precious Vivian Time!" or "We're almost out of Vivian Time, let's just go home after this."

There is a lot of stress when using Daylight Vivian Time.

We're going to keep her, I promise. I just...need reassured that I am going to survive this child being two.

And wine. I need you all to tell the Wine Fairy that my house needs stocked ASAP.

Vivian the Menace

You guys, I need to talk about Vivian for a minute.

The girl is crazy.

This morning, Vivian asked for a bagel because Julia asked for a bagel. I toasted a whole bagel, buttered both sides, gave each child one half of the bagel. Vivian screamed at me for 5 minutes straight because I gave her a bagel. After 5 minutes, she nicely asked for her bagel, dropped it three times because she insisted on holding her own damn plate (not her words, but if she knew swear words, she'd freaking be a pirate with them), and finally ate part of the bagel and threw the rest on the floor.

 After the bagel drama, she went into the back room, scooped out some cat litter, put it on our futon, and then apparently ate some because she came out whining and holding her tongue. Cat litter, people. Thank the Lord we use the natural stuff made of corn and cedar, but I feel that the fact that the cats use the litter box to urinate and poop negates the thankfulness that the litter is natural.

Obviously, I lost my mind when I realize what she'd done. I screamed jibberish that in my mind sounded like "UUUUUUUGH! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?! YOU CAN'T EAT THAT!!!! YOU ARE THE GROSSEST PERSON ON THIS PLANET!" But, according to Julia, I basically just kept saying "Ugh!" and "Noooooo!".

I sent them upstairs to get dressed so we could go to the Y and I could dump Vivian off on unsuspecting caregivers. I cleaned up the mess, texted Evan that I was quitting being the mother of his children, and headed up to get ready myself.

I go upstairs into my room and realize upon entering that Vivian has already been there before me. She had swept everything off of Evan's nightstand, emptied my sock drawers, and was starting in on the contents of our sweater chest. Upon seeing me, she smiled a very ornery smile and said, "Mommy, I pooped." I chased her out of my room, texted Evan again, and tried to think of positive thoughts about Vivian. None came to mind, so I angrily picked up the mess and hurried to change. The quicker we got the Y, the more of a guarantee that I would not just leave Vivian on the stoop for the gypsies.

 I would like to say this is out of character for Vivian, but it is not. The child is crazy. She spends most of her time standing on our kitchen table (which we never let the other two do), trashing a room like a tornado, screaming in a voice so shrill I worry our wine glasses will shatter (and Lord knows I NEED those wine glasses to drink!). She requires more patience, more use of the phrase "be careful!!", more physical activity than the other two. She is our emergency room visit waiting to happen child.

But, oh my goodness, the child is adorable. She is stingy with her hugs and kisses, but we all trip over ourselves trying to receive them. She is the worst sleeper in the house, but can be so cheerful and pleasant in the mornings. She likes to cuddle on the couch and adores her older sisters (even though she totally tries to boss them around as if she was the boss of the Bonnett girls).

I guess that, even though there are days where I need a large "I am the mother of Vivian" glass of wine, I truly would not trade her in for the world.

Of course, I can say that now since she is quietly playing and not wrecking my house so my view is not skewed by her antics...

Snore.

You guys, I am a walking zombie today.

Last night my hips were KILLING me.  I hate that part of being pregnant. I have to sleep on my sides because I obviously can't sleep on my stomach or I'll squish the baby's house.  I can't sleep on my back because I can seriously feel my heart stop beating because the baby house is killing my internal organs.  So, it's my sides.  Except, my hips are expanding (cause they should totally expand...and make me feel even larger...I'm totally cool with that) and it HURTS.  So, I toss and turn and curse my body pillow for not supporting my hips more.

Then, for the last week, Julia has insisted on sleeping with every light in her room on.  Not a big deal, Ebeth did the same thing around that age and Evan did too when he was little.  But, Julia will wake up randomly and, since the light is so bright, she has no idea if the sun is up or not.  So, I have been going to her room before I go to sleep and turning off the overhead light (but leaving the desk lamp and the night light glowing).  Well at 6:00 this morning, I bolt out of bed because I can hear her calling for me and I'm assuming she's super pissed to find out that I've turned off a light when she's sleeping.  I walk into her room where I WAKE HER UP BY OPENING THE DOOR. I say, "Juju, did you call for me?"  She then looks at me like I am a moron and says, "No.  And will you turn dat big light back on?".  Awesome.

Thinking I'd dreamt it all, I go back to my room, knowing full well she's not going to go back to sleep for the next hour like I am hoping for, to hear that same noise again.  I tell Evan what happened and he says, "That's a cat making noises outside. I think it can see our cats through the windows." For the love of all that is holy.

As predicted, Julia is up as soon as she hears Elisabeth use the bathroom (at 6:30) declaring that she pooped her overnight pants.  I try to tell her to make Daddy change them (cause I am an awesome spouse) but she says he's in the shower.  So, I very grumpily stomp around to get stuff to change her pants (I need to let the entire house know that I am not happy with any of them and that I am SLEEP DEPRIVED for crying out loud), change her and tell her to go downstairs, without yelling at Elisabeth for once in her short little life, and eat something because I am going back to bed.  Evan comes to kiss me goodbye and to see if I'm getting out of bed.

Nope. No way. I am exhausted and my hips don't hurt right now.

He then asks what he should do with Julia who is awake and fed.  And, that, dear people, is when I say:

"Turn on the tv."

MOTY

Don't worry, though, because Julia came into my room as soon as Evan left to sit on my bed and stare at me while she talked to people on her play cellphone about how I was still sleeping and she was just waiting for me to get up because it was morning.

There is not enough coffee.  But, today, the baby growing in my belly is going to get more than one cup.

Being a SAHM, well, it kinda sucks

Obviously this picture is a left over from when we were still in Pekin, but I haven't uploaded any new ones yet. Plus, I love Ebeth's face!

It's not that I don't like my girls, because I do 99.9% of the time. But, I have absolutely NO ADULT INTERACTION during the day. None. I don't know anyone! And there's only so many times I can start up conversations with the check out ladies at Wal-Mart or King Soopers. Let me give you a run down of what our typical day is like...

6:00AM--Julia is up for the day. Normally, this is proceeded by at least one if not two wake ups during the night. We eat breakfast with Evan before he leaves for the land of the Air Force.
7:00AM--Ebeth usually wakes up between now and 8:00. She is easy: kisses Julia, eats 2 bowls of cereal, and then scampers upstairs to watch her shows on the upstairs tv. I usually let her watch about 1.5 hours.
8:30AM--Julia's ready for a nap, since she's been up for 2.5 freaking hours. She'll sleep for around 2 hours, so I clean the ENORMOUS mess she's made from breakfast, tackle some part of the unpacking that hasn't been touched yet, do laundry, stare at facebook, and think about what the heck I'm going to do till 5:30 when Evan gets home.
12:00PM--Lunch. Ebeth has been so sweet about wanting to help in the kitchen. She helps plan what we eat for lunch while Julia crawls around the kitchen pulling on my pant legs and crying to be fed.
1:00PM--We go for a walk. Usually to a park, but sometimes just aimlessly because Julia loves loves loves being outside. And, we must sunscreen it up before we go anywhere because we are a lot closer to the sun.
3:00PM--Julia's ready for another nap. This one usually is less than an hour, so I just read or answer the millions of questions Elisabeth can ask in mere minutes.
4:00PM--Start texting Evan and asking him when he's coming home.
5:00PM--Start dinner. Julia will sense I'm in the kitchen preparing food, and follow me so she can cry at my feet. This is when I become Mom of the Year, and turn on Yo Gabba Gabba because it's the only thing that Julia will watch and be entertained. I also usually throw animal crackers on the floor at her to appease her as well.
5:30PM--Evan comes home and I shower him with kisses and toss him the baby.

Now, honestly, both girls are very good. Julia's a giant handful, but so cute. And Elisabeth is the best big sister. She has a captive audience with Julia, so she's always singing and dancing with her. The lastest thing is that Elisabeth puts Julia on her walking toy and they "learn to walk" together. It's so cute.

I'm just anxious to meet people and maybe get a job. I found a daycare center for Julia that I'm super interested in and have also applied for. Evan is always worried that I'm "settling" when I teach daycare, but I love working with those ages. Plus, I really want to work in the same place that Julia's at. She's never been in daycare and I feel it'll be easier for her and me if we're together. So, we'll see.

Time to attend to the crying baby next to me that I'm ignoring to finish this post! See, Mom of the Year.

Table for One

I am the most excited person alive. My parents are taking the girls for dinner and I will get to eat BY MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There will be quiet. There will be warm food. There will be book reading!!! I have included a video of Julia eating. She is not making even 1/10 of the noise she normally does, but it is cute. I will try to capture her true volume level (for those non-believers), but she always shuts-up once the camera comes out.

Which makes me an idiot because then I should just leave it out all meal time. Doh!

Seriously? Another post in the same day? Wow, the girls must be in the basement with their Nina while Mommy is hiding in her room upstairs.

So very true. Yes, I'm hiding. I'm not scared to admit it. The girls are overwhelming today and at dinner I asked if I could have a bottle of wine to drink. By myself. From the bottle. I'm not ashamed. You haven't eaten a dinner with Julia. She's sooooooo loud. And you know Elisabeth isn't about to be outdone by her baby sister. And where's Evan while all of this is occuring? Oh, eating a steak dinner (or rib dinner) at a nice restaurant surrounded by peers. Now, I know Evan would much rather partake in our obnoxiously loud dinners because he does truly love his girls, but I would much rather be eating at a nice restaurant in Alabama. So jealous.

Anywhoo...I am merely posting the snow pictures I took today to prove to Evan that we had snow, it was very pretty, but I still was grumpy about it. You know, ironically, Evan can stay updated on the girls through this blog currently. See, so I have every right to post daily because Evan needs to be informed about how his girls are doing. (Nevermind I call him constantly and text him even more...)